Bands Reunited: ‘Madchester’ is back on…

A couple of days ago, The Happy Mondays announced they’re reforming their original lineup. The news comes ahead of a ten-date tour in May this year, for which tickets went on sale yesterday. Their homecoming show, on 5th May at the Manchester Evening News Arena, will also feature support from indie-psych rockers, Inspiral Carpets.

Shaun Ryder had this to say about the Happy announcement: “We all met up last week and some of the lads haven’t seen each other in over 10, 15 years. It’s as if we’ve never been apart – so good to all be in the same room again. We can’t wait now to get on tour and play the songs that made us famous.” Step on, Shaun.

So, what with the Stone Roses’s news in 2011 that they would also be getting back together (following a few buried hatchets, of course) for a world tour in 2012, it would appear this year may well see a revival of all things ‘Madchester’. Don your Parkas, dust off the duffle coats and dig out the old Gazelles. Now all we need (well, definitely maybe…) to edge us towards everything Manchesterally good is for the Gallaghers to take a leaf out of Squires’s and Brown’s book and make up; for Mozzer to let Johnny off his penchant for sharing his guitar skills with other bands; and for Ian Curtis to undergo resurrection. Oh, hang on: Ian Brown already tried that… Whatever, 2012’s emblematic dragon appears to be from Bolton, not Beijing as previously suspected.

* * *

And just because I’m infatuated with the modernness of social networks and amused by the potential scope of the idea of ‘Bands Reunited’, here’s a light-hearted interlude, in honour of all these band reformations: –

Imagine the photo comments facility on 'Bands Reunited'...

“I have no recollection of this photo being taken, or the situation in general. What year was this?”

“1992. We were all really whacked out on that tour.”

“1992..? I basically have no memory of my life between 1989 and 1996. I get confused every time a PRS cheque comes through the post.”

“Who was drumming for us then?”

“I basically have no memory of my life between 1989 and 1996. Did we even have a drummer?”

“Well, you’re licking the ooze from the broken blisters on his hands, so I guess we did.”

“Is that me sucking that dude’s fingers?”

“Yes, that’s you.”

“Oh, right… I thought it was an outpatient. Are you sure that’s me?”

“That’s definitely you. You can tell by the nose.”

“I’ve had rhinoplasty since, so I’m not recognising myself. Was I really that thin?”

“You were. You survived solely on bourbon and uppers.”

“Gained a bit since, haven’t I?”

“A little, but count your blessings: if you hadn’t gone on Celebrity Fat Camp last year, we wouldn’t have had rise to reform…”

* * *

“Fucking hell. Where’d you find this? This image has haunted me for the last 15 years.”

“Yeah, sorry, man. But now you’re out of jail, it’s kind of funny looking back.”

“But I killed him.”

“It was partial accident. Most of the world was willing his obliteration, so you did everyone a favour. This photo  encapsulates the second before you lost it.”

“Hmm… The 10,000 genuine fans in front of him that night weren’t particularly impressed. Not when his brains painted most of the front row.”

“Is that the Mercedes emblem he’s got on his t-shirt?”

“Yes, it is. Proof he really was an ignorant twat.”

“Um, you do know he’s not dead don’t you?”

“Huh?”

“Yeah. He’s just released his third solo album. It’s called Why Me? He mentions you in it. And bitches. And bling.”

“Huh??”

“I thought you knew. I figured the prison stint was publicity up-spin or something.”

“What the fuck are you talking about? I’ve spent the last decade picking Mars Bar wrappers out of my rear end and taking prison service methadone occasionally. Why would that be a stunt?”

“I dunno. Look at Madonna. Anyway, turned out the ‘brains’ weren’t brains at all. He only vomited up some porridge with the shock of the blow from your Fender…”

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